Are You Here With Family?

I moved to Shanghai in 2017, after spending the summer of 2016 walking the Camino Francés. If you don’t know what that is, I strongly suggest you look it up. It was life-changing for me—healing in ways I didn’t even realize I needed. But that’s a story for another day. Today, I want to talk about a question I hear often: Am I here with family?

The quick answer is yes. But the more complicated answer is… I’m not even sure how to explain it. I am here with family, but not the kind most people mean when they ask. Not my children, not my siblings. Not even the friends who’ve become like family. I mean the kind of family that chose me—Sophie and Luci. The ones who sleep beside me every night. The ones who rely on me, who greet me at the door, and who keep me grounded even when the world doesn’t make sense.

Sophie is a beautiful, tiny cat who picked me from a pet store just a month and a half after I arrived in Shanghai. I had walked past that shop several times on my way to Walmart, always slowing as I passed the window filled with cats of every size—from barely weaned kittens to full-grown adults. And every time, there was one tiny gray-and-white kitten who meowed as soon as she saw me. I stayed strong for a while. Kept walking. But that night, when I got home, I called my daughter.

“Angela, I want a cat.”

“Then get a cat!” she chuckled.

“But what about Arnold?” I asked, thinking of the cat I’d left behind in New Hampshire. “It’s not fair to him if I get another cat.”

I could practically hear her rolling her eyes. “Mom, get a cat. Arnold is fine. Get. A. Cat.”

So the next day, I went straight to the pet store. The woman behind the counter didn’t speak English, and I didn’t speak Chinese—not yet, anyway. Thank heavens for Baidu Translate. It’s saved me more than once in these past eight years. I typed in that I wanted a male cat. I’ve always liked male cats better—at least I thought I had. They’d always seemed more affectionate to me.

She opened a cage and handed me a sleek young male, probably six months old. He wasn’t mine. I knew it the moment I held him. I pointed to the beautiful white Persian in the corner, but they told me he wasn’t for sale. He was the father of the kittens. So I walked over to the cage with the smallest litter, the one where that tiny gray-and-white kitten always sat. I reached in. She purred. I lifted her into my arms, and she curled up like she belonged there. Like I belonged to her.

“She’s female,” they told me.

I didn’t care. She was mine.

I paid the fee, bought a litter box and some food, tucked her into my school bag, and walked home with my new shadow.

As soon as we got home, I called my daughter to announce our newest family member. She needed a name. Angela has always named my pets, and this tiny peanut was no exception. Surprisingly, we landed on Sophie almost immediately. It just fit. And when I looked down and saw her huge green eyes blinking up at me from where she’d curled beneath my chin, I could tell—she liked it, too.

That was the beginning of our little family.

Sophie has been with me ever since. For nearly eight years, she has curled up in my lap, nudged my cheek when I cried, and followed me from room to room like a tiny guardian angel in fur. She shattered every belief I’d had about female cats being distant. She is affectionate, loyal, and completely in tune with me. At night, she often stretches out across me, placing one soft paw on my chin as she sleeps—as if to say, I’m here. You’re not alone.

She’s been with me through COVID, through the silence of lockdowns, through moves and heartaches, laughter and fatigue. She makes the hard days softer and the lonely nights bearable. She reminds me that family isn’t just about blood or names or distance. Sometimes, it’s about fur and trust and that quiet comfort of being chosen.

So yes, in answer to the question, I am here with family. With Sophie—and with Luci, too. But that’s a story for another day.

Do you have a furry family member who chose you? I’d love to hear about them in the comments. And as always, thank you for coming on this journey with me.